I've been really depressed lately and feelin like shit. You see the snow? To our loyal fans who need that hate and that release from the fuck off of everyday EdmonTIN ass shit. I am back and here for you. Check the new smash hit single remix redo suck me DJ Hatred mix off the new album:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ex6v6sYNc-o&t=40s
Here it is, the great line that divides serenity from soul sucking TIN. Everything east of this line is TINfected by smoke stacks, pump jacks, gas guzzlers, booze bingers, piss, shit, grey n' gross. But this line isn't so cut and dry. And it moves. Take a look at this area around Jasper. Day by day TIN is leaking into the land of the serene. And TIN spills are hard to clean up. Once it gets in, it takes over the landscape. Trees turn into street lights and mountains become future parking lots. It's this border territory where TIN has seeped in that's hard to figure out. There's this zone exists between the TIN fault line and the Serenity Line. You know you've reached it because the weight of a thousand suns lifts off your shoulders and you start to feel alive again. Then you hear it. The nature. And you feel it. Purity. But then there's this middle ground where you know you're out of the TIN but not quite in serenity. You feel indifference as you watch cranes fly among cranes. Your head starts spinning like you've been huffing paint on 118 all day. And coming back, you sure as fuck know when you're approaching the TIN divide cause all you feel is complete and utter depression sinking in. Another trip over. Back to the daily GRRRRINNNDDDD. Clocking in. Working. Meetings. Honking. Gluh-gluh-gluh-gluh-glug. FUCK!!! So what is it? Fake Serenity? Hidden TIN? Glue? No clue. In town for a visit? Well here's a list of MUST DO'S in the Edmonton area:
Laid off - 4:30 a.m Prairie girl: Can’t sleep, applying for work and just can’t get these thoughts out of my head. It all makes sense. I drink because I live here and I live here because I drink. Well not anymore. Step 1 - It is time for me to cut out the depressing life that everyone here is accustomed to. No more drinking for me! People ask me “then what will you do?” I will write a review on Edmonton Sucks. That’s what I’ll do. I will explain myself and express my feelings to why I believe I drink. Why we find it so easy to lift the bottle and how the encouragement surrounds us. The rant of all rants to help me stop drinking, so I can move out of this shithole place I once called home. It’s just too common to drink daily in this City. Population of 928,182 and our Northern lives are based around drinking, work camps, and eating red meat. I am tired of this old fashion Wild Wild West lifestyle. It can’t get any worse, can it? Then you start to notice the change in people and none of it makes sense. The men treat their bodies as an ink pad to suppress the reality or their lives. They either walk around fat thinking they are big and rough or pump themselves full of roids acting as if we should thank their genetics. DUDE it’s obvious you are on roids. They spend their time drinking and doing mass amounts of cocaine. Walking around in the cold with their heads held high, while they are truly hiding behind their beards. They party hard (too hard) to make a statement “I am a MAN” but then allow the girls to treat them like work horses. The worst part is, these women are now able to convince these troubled men to get vasectomies. uhhh!!! Somehow she has convinced her work horse to become a gelding. If she leaves you at 45, good luck being the lucky guy who gets the girl in her 20’s. She won’t want you for her looks and now your parts are useless. If you were another animal a human would put you down for being sterile. Man oh man. The “ladies” here, I believe overindulge in the same lifestyle but then act as if they are a special affirmation to society. It’s almost as if everyone has given up but clearly pretend they haven’t. At age 21 the Edmonton women start to change by gaining mass amounts of weight due to extreme partying. At this point they are drinking daily. So they group together and make excuses saying “how dare you that’s fat shamming, omg I have a Kardasian body, thick is in, that bitch is too skinny but she better not mention my weight, let’s do more shots, shots, shots”. Edmonton has changed so much in the past 10 yrs. There are now two different herds of women here who try to fit in. 1st type - A cake face, fat ass, hair extensions, fake nails and eye lashes type. Clothes so tight they might burst as the seams but she calls it trendy. Brags about all her tender dates, but really she’s just whore. Justifying not showering that day she won’t sleep with him but we all know she does. Then spends the day wondering why he won’t respond to her texts. Sloppy seconds just linger between her legs. Then she starts gaining an extra 10 pounds a year because it’s cool to be bigger. Before you know she’s 180lbs 5”4. I am women hear me roar! 2nd type - complete opposite washes once a week because she wants to save the environment, or even better now you just bath at the accidental beach. Expresses ones independent self by growing hairy legs and armpits while leaving a greasy shine on everything she touches. It looks like she lives in a box and can’t afford the simple necessities but really rent is $1,600 a month to live in a micro apartment that has a sign “Apple Products Only Please”. Her style of clothing is dirty looking and she smells like musky hemp oil but somehow she gets a job over those who are laid off while refusing to shower on a daily basis. The men have cleaner natural beauty. Equality and World Peace! I think to myself thank the heavens I’ve been blessed with the experience of traveling to a few other places in the world (Vancouver, Toronto, USA, Italy, Mexico, London) and I see that these places don’t live like this. So I have hope. They don’t base their life goals and expectations on the best fried food, craft beer, drugs, and adding more ink. Yes, I see the interest in trying something new but the problem is the SHEEP mentality is too strong. I constantly hear “what you don’t drink craft beer, I’m vegan, nice beard dude mad respect, I don’t judge, we support local and excuse me feminist rights!” The truth is majority of them don’t believe in any of that shit. The biggest bullshit is that they do judge. They judge those who don’t follow the herd. They tell themselves “I’m somebody important, cool and different!” but if you look close enough you see ED (Edmonton Depression). For those of us who aren’t in the herd, they judge as if we haven’t realized it yet. As if we are missing something. They treat us like this because we choose not to follow the herd. I have my own way of doing things and I personally prefer my way over theirs. WHY? Edmonton sucks and the worst part is.... it’s getting worse. Step 2 – fuck it, I NEED A DRINK! -Someone Stuck in TIN I have hacked your site. I have attached a picture as proof that there is more than just Tin here. Just look at that green patch. I will be out there this weekend getting zero privacy under the grey drab skys as I study for my crane operators license while hearing trucks and busses honk and rev. Very relaxing. At night, I sit on my 2 x 2 foot balcony and take in the view. Cranes and stores. I love it here.
Empty fucking seats cause they wanna charge $220 to see the Davis Cup? Fuck off. That place is empty!!! Put a reasonable fucking price on it and fill the fucking seats. Wow just saw some dude wearing his sunglasses in there. You're indoors you fuck! Are you blinded by all the sparkles on your own fucking jeans?? Get that class sport the fuck out here before this tinner throws his beer on the court.
5:06: First pair of ripped sweats spotted. Ice scraping Me going to shooting range Heat/gas bills skyrocketing Me failing at a public suicide Extra 20 - 30 minute commutes to work Me buying a gun Everything green dying Me buying a bullet Shoveling Me putting bullet in gun Starting car to warm it and gas wasting Me raising gun to temple No more tits in dresses just parkas and fat Canadian bitches smoking Me pulling trigger Me dying No more Oilers talk, no more grey skys, no more ice burnt wind blasted skin, no more depression, no more waiting and waiting for May. Just no more. If the garbage doesn't fit in the trash can, become the trash can!!! What a fucking joke Edmonton is. People here so fucking lazy that they can't even take the extra little effort to just take their shit with them. No, instead they do this cause FUCK IT! It's not my problem! Let someone else do it! The beach is there by accident and can't handle your fat ass or your garbage. Not to mention all the recyclables in that pile too. Green city? Hahahaha not a chance... Edmonton is a fucking embarrassment to society. Never going to change here. This city is just a bunch of people who think the planet is their fucking dumpster. Seriously, what the fuck are you wearing? Here's a break down of what people wear here: 1) Shapeless bags - For dress shirts and pants, at least 3 sizes too fucking big. Do you not own a fucking mirror? 2) LOGOS - Holy fuck do you guys ever like logos... Monster, Rids, DC, Oakley, Some fucking deer thing. Wow. Gross. 3) Ugly fucking shorts - That look like the pattern is off your grandmothers old fucking sofa. 4) Tucked in T - You can't go 10 minutes without seeing someone with their t-shirt tucked into their mom jeans. Gut fully exposed and too fucking dense to feel shame. Makes me sick. 5) Mom Jeans - This goes for men and women... You all wear the same fucking pair of light wash jeans, they look like shit. 6) Anything 80's - Oiler's shit included. 7) Beer shirts - From 20 fucking years ago on that Budweiser promo, and well over 20 in your closet. Fucking Edmontonians and your ugly ass clothes, learn how to dress you're an embarrassment to society. Dear Edmonton, I would like to offer an apology from the deepest part of my soul. I'm sorry. I'm sorry you live here. Im sorry I live here. McDavid has requested a trade. I dont blame him. I thought I could hold this team together but noone wants to stay here. They actually perfer away games. The playoff run was fun. But lets face it. The REAL orange crush in EdminTIN has always been the crushing blows the orange construction signs deliver to our happiness. I hate it here. Fuck this place. Look what this place did to Hall, Eberle and RNH. I wont let it happen to me. Im out. Sincerely, Todd Mclellan |
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