It doesn't take much time or effort to find out why Edmonton sucks so hard. In fact, I'm just gonna spitball out a few solid reasons why this place sucks in 10 minutes. Here we go!
1) Edmonton is Ugly
Take a look at the architecture first and soak in all the boxy angles as you cough on that smoggy breathe you just took. Pretty sure any cool buildings that used to exist here have been bulldozed and replaced by something new as Edmonton tries to define it's identity.
Whatever that identity is I don't know.
City of Pave Everything?
2) The people in Edmonton suck
A good majority anyways. It's a mob mentality kind of city where everyone just keeps plugging along copying each other to fit in.
This applies to the shitty hipsters just as much as the 40 yr old men wearing skate brand clothes and deer fucker hoodies.
Can we put on the big boy pants today???
3) The food in Edmonton is just awful
Ever try to find something that was actually hand made in Edmonton? I have. It don't exist buddy.
Everything is a previously frozen, deep fried waistline murderer.
When you do find food made in house it's made by someone who grew up without taste buds that just fingerblasts it with grease and cheese till the son'a'bitch appeals to the average Edmontonian appetite.
Fill me up!
4) Everything in Edmonton is always Under Construction
You can't go fucking 5 minutes without seeing an orange sign.
AND IT NEVER ENDS! That paving they redid last year? Just wait another year they'll rip it up again to widen it.
5) You can't walk anywhere in Edmonton
This city is an absolute nightmare to walk in, you can't live without a car or transit.
Local grocery, 20 minute walk.
Local cafe, 30 minute walk.
Local restaurant, 40 minute walk.
Nearest clothing store, 2 hour walk.
Nearest Walmart, coming soon! Directly in front of you.
It just keeps expanding outwards into single family home wannabe rich suburbs with brand new Walmart supercenters beside them, shutting down everything that used to be close to you.
6) It's all about the Oil
Your entire life is tied to the Oil & Gas Industry. Don't bother with a business degree, not unless you want to start a pipefitting earth fracking business.
But even then you're at the mercy of the producers in Fort McFucktown.
Zero diversity in the job market here mixed with a severe lack of insight into WHAT EARTH IS contributes to the fucking hell that is this city.
Ask someone what they think about sustainability for mankind and they'll complain about the NDP government ruining everything and how Conservatives had it right!!
Talk about dim witted.
But fuck it, rape the planet.
1) Edmonton is Ugly
Take a look at the architecture first and soak in all the boxy angles as you cough on that smoggy breathe you just took. Pretty sure any cool buildings that used to exist here have been bulldozed and replaced by something new as Edmonton tries to define it's identity.
Whatever that identity is I don't know.
City of Pave Everything?
2) The people in Edmonton suck
A good majority anyways. It's a mob mentality kind of city where everyone just keeps plugging along copying each other to fit in.
This applies to the shitty hipsters just as much as the 40 yr old men wearing skate brand clothes and deer fucker hoodies.
Can we put on the big boy pants today???
3) The food in Edmonton is just awful
Ever try to find something that was actually hand made in Edmonton? I have. It don't exist buddy.
Everything is a previously frozen, deep fried waistline murderer.
When you do find food made in house it's made by someone who grew up without taste buds that just fingerblasts it with grease and cheese till the son'a'bitch appeals to the average Edmontonian appetite.
Fill me up!
4) Everything in Edmonton is always Under Construction
You can't go fucking 5 minutes without seeing an orange sign.
AND IT NEVER ENDS! That paving they redid last year? Just wait another year they'll rip it up again to widen it.
5) You can't walk anywhere in Edmonton
This city is an absolute nightmare to walk in, you can't live without a car or transit.
Local grocery, 20 minute walk.
Local cafe, 30 minute walk.
Local restaurant, 40 minute walk.
Nearest clothing store, 2 hour walk.
Nearest Walmart, coming soon! Directly in front of you.
It just keeps expanding outwards into single family home wannabe rich suburbs with brand new Walmart supercenters beside them, shutting down everything that used to be close to you.
6) It's all about the Oil
Your entire life is tied to the Oil & Gas Industry. Don't bother with a business degree, not unless you want to start a pipefitting earth fracking business.
But even then you're at the mercy of the producers in Fort McFucktown.
Zero diversity in the job market here mixed with a severe lack of insight into WHAT EARTH IS contributes to the fucking hell that is this city.
Ask someone what they think about sustainability for mankind and they'll complain about the NDP government ruining everything and how Conservatives had it right!!
Talk about dim witted.
But fuck it, rape the planet.
There you have it, 6 solid reasons why Edmonton sucks in 10 minutes.
And I'm barely even scraping the surface.
Now excuse me while I go scrape my windshield.
And I'm barely even scraping the surface.
Now excuse me while I go scrape my windshield.