1) Cruise control at speed limit. Just do it. Trust me. It's down to 1 lane up ahead and there's photo radar on every fucking overpass. Just save yourself the rage as well as $300 and put it towards alcohol, you'll need it.
2) Know where the deals are. Superstore liq has best deals. But remember Liqour Depot will price match. This minimizes gas usage, which I think spiked to $1.65/L this weekend.
3) Avoid these areas:
4) DO NOT raise children or own a dog. They will need parks and fields for play and exercise in. If you see grass report it immediatley. That is useable land best suited for a new Jiffy Lube.
5) DO NOT ride a bike or walk anywhere. If on a bike you'll just get yelled and honked at if on the street, bike lane or not. Doesn't matter. GET OFF THE ROAD! If walking it'll take hours and you'll eventually run out of sidewalk anyways so don't bother with that shit.
6) Take a day and watch Planet Earth I & II and fuck it throw Cosmos in there too. Get lost in natural science and wonder. Wow fuck this place.
7) Sleep in, the less time you're awake, the less time you have to experience the shittiness that is this city.
8) Blend in. Don't try. Don't be different. This place will just beat you down even worse if you do. Edmonton is where originality comes to die.
9) Traffic can be a bitch. Heres a tip. Switch lanes fast as you can. Speed passed that guy and stare at him. Get in front of him. Get mad again. Hammer it into another lane. Slam on your brakes just before that next bumper. Lane change attempt again but swerve back cuz you almost hit a guy. Find a gap and blow passed 2 more guys then slam on brakes again at that red light. Check your phone. The wife wants cigarettes. Floor it off the line and spray a black death cloud. Stop at that store. Then hold the door open for that first guy you passed and stared at. Good thing you have a Hemi double faggot pipe blaster diesel suck me truck.
10) Blow your fucking skull off!!!