In town for a visit? Well here's a list of MUST DO'S in the Edmonton area:
- Old Towne Beverly Tour: A disgusting strip of hell. Piss stains and paint huffers litter the sidewalks. Stop at one of the many pawn shops during your tour and buy me back my bike please. It was stolen.
- Northlands Coliseum: This ancient burial ground houses the hopes and dreams of what was. Grey and Gross. A reflection of the Tin city. Located on Wayne Gretzky Drive. A road named after a man who cried sadness tears when he left the city and team. A team named after oil finding earth murderers. I cry happiness tears each time I leave. Wayne truly was an idiot.
- Go For A Sightseeing Drive: Head south towards........detour.....down to 1 lane....slow......detour.....no exit.
- Give That Sightseeing Drive Another Shot: Head west to the mountains. Dont come back.
- River Fishing: Grab the whole family and head down to Crap River. Dont forget your invincible fishing line and aroma therapy face masks. The water is acid and it smells like shit. As I sit on the toilet writing this I cant help but think, maybe your sons first catch will be what Im about to flush.
- Leaving: My personl favorite past time. Not being here. Or when I am. I Stay drunk and high. Daydreaming about the rolling hills and the fresh air of a British Colombian dusk. A morning a swim in a lake that wont give you Aids. Ahhhhh.