Prairie girl: Can’t sleep, applying for work and just can’t get these thoughts out of my head. It all makes sense. I drink because I live here and I live here because I drink. Well not anymore.
Step 1 - It is time for me to cut out the depressing life that everyone here is accustomed to. No more drinking for me! People ask me “then what will you do?” I will write a review on Edmonton Sucks. That’s what I’ll do.
I will explain myself and express my feelings to why I believe I drink. Why we find it so easy to lift the bottle and how the encouragement surrounds us. The rant of all rants to help me stop drinking, so I can move out of this shithole place I once called home.
It’s just too common to drink daily in this City. Population of 928,182 and our Northern lives are based around drinking, work camps, and eating red meat. I am tired of this old fashion Wild Wild West lifestyle. It can’t get any worse, can it? Then you start to notice the change in people and none of it makes sense. The men treat their bodies as an ink pad to suppress the reality or their lives. They either walk around fat thinking they are big and rough or pump themselves full of roids acting as if we should thank their genetics. DUDE it’s obvious you are on roids. They spend their time drinking and doing mass amounts of cocaine. Walking around in the cold with their heads held high, while they are truly hiding behind their beards. They party hard (too hard) to make a statement “I am a MAN” but then allow the girls to treat them like work horses.
The worst part is, these women are now able to convince these troubled men to get vasectomies. uhhh!!! Somehow she has convinced her work horse to become a gelding. If she leaves you at 45, good luck being the lucky guy who gets the girl in her 20’s. She won’t want you for her looks and now your parts are useless. If you were another animal a human would put you down for being sterile. Man oh man. The “ladies” here, I believe overindulge in the same lifestyle but then act as if they are a special affirmation to society.
It’s almost as if everyone has given up but clearly pretend they haven’t. At age 21 the Edmonton women start to change by gaining mass amounts of weight due to extreme partying. At this point they are drinking daily. So they group together and make excuses saying “how dare you that’s fat shamming, omg I have a Kardasian body, thick is in, that bitch is too skinny but she better not mention my weight, let’s do more shots, shots, shots”.
Edmonton has changed so much in the past 10 yrs. There are now two different herds of women here who try to fit in.
1st type - A cake face, fat ass, hair extensions, fake nails and eye lashes type. Clothes so tight they might burst as the seams but she calls it trendy. Brags about all her tender dates, but really she’s just whore. Justifying not showering that day she won’t sleep with him but we all know she does. Then spends the day wondering why he won’t respond to her texts. Sloppy seconds just linger between her legs. Then she starts gaining an extra 10 pounds a year because it’s cool to be bigger. Before you know she’s 180lbs 5”4. I am women hear me roar!
2nd type - complete opposite washes once a week because she wants to save the environment, or even better now you just bath at the accidental beach. Expresses ones independent self by growing hairy legs and armpits while leaving a greasy shine on everything she touches. It looks like she lives in a box and can’t afford the simple necessities but really rent is $1,600 a month to live in a micro apartment that has a sign “Apple Products Only Please”. Her style of clothing is dirty looking and she smells like musky hemp oil but somehow she gets a job over those who are laid off while refusing to shower on a daily basis. The men have cleaner natural beauty. Equality and World Peace! I think to myself thank the heavens I’ve been blessed with the experience of traveling to a few other places in the world (Vancouver, Toronto, USA, Italy, Mexico, London) and I see that these places don’t live like this. So I have hope. They don’t base their life goals and expectations on the best fried food, craft beer, drugs, and adding more ink.
Yes, I see the interest in trying something new but the problem is the SHEEP mentality is too strong. I constantly hear “what you don’t drink craft beer, I’m vegan, nice beard dude mad respect, I don’t judge, we support local and excuse me feminist rights!” The truth is majority of them don’t believe in any of that shit. The biggest bullshit is that they do judge. They judge those who don’t follow the herd. They tell themselves “I’m somebody important, cool and different!” but if you look close enough you see ED (Edmonton Depression). For those of us who aren’t in the herd, they judge as if we haven’t realized it yet. As if we are missing something. They treat us like this because we choose not to follow the herd. I have my own way of doing things and I personally prefer my way over theirs. WHY? Edmonton sucks and the worst part is.... it’s getting worse.
Step 2 – fuck it, I NEED A DRINK!
-Someone Stuck in TIN